she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize