My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
