there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
