How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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