Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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