WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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