I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
