my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
