I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
