I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
