Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
