I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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