Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
