Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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