drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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