The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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