i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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