Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
