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I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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