dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
