Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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