A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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