Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
