So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
