I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
