$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i barfeds in our rink
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
