just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize