Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
