dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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