you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
