Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
