I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
