Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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