Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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