Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
