The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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