id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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