I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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