just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
even my farts smell like vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
