Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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