what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
