i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
