Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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