Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
