I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ruined the universe
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
