did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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