Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
