margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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