I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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