I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
