piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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