He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize