I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
