she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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