i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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