let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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