how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
