I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
soo... how was my night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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